Caught

I have been caught.

Jesus Christ caught me as I was flailing through the air, dropping rapidly, stomach in throat, to a death caused by sin. He snatched me from utter darkness and showed me marvelous light. And, for this I am completely in awe and infinitely grateful! The Maker of the universe chose me - one grain of sand in a number with as many zeros behind it as letters in this post. So, in response, I yearn to please Him, I strive to know Him, and I love to be close to Him. I want my life to be a “living sacrifice, holy and pleasing” to Him (Rom 12:1).

But, not only have I been so mercifully caught within the hands of the Almighty, I am also currently caught. I am caught in-between. In between heaven and earth, life and death, holiness and my fleshly desires. My citizenship is in heaven (Phil 3:20) but my heart is still beating here on this earth. As one of my favorite bands, Tenth Avenue North, puts it, “I’m caught in the in between, of who I already am and who I’m yet to be.” My soul feels the need to be in Heaven at the feet of my Maker, but my mind understands the necessity of remaining here. I want to pursue holiness with every fiber of my being, but my being is human: fallen and sinful.

I am currently experiencing this tension of being “caught” in a more tangible way like I never have before, as I am living Florence, Italy. All of my ideas about life in general, cultural norms, speaking, eating, dressing, etc, have been completely forgotten. I feel as though my “American-ness” is stuck in a rip tide, being dragged further and further from what I once knew. I am no longer where I once was, but I am nowhere close to the waters that encompass the people with which I am surrounded. I am in no man’s land. This place is lonely, but it is the best position to observe both sides and gain perspective. I don't feel like I belong, but I am learning over and over that my God is the only thing that can satisfy. I am not supposed to feel comfortable here, but cling to the one thing that sustains me.

I thank God for the various opportunities He has given me to be caught in the in-between. He is challenging and refining me. He is showing me that I am not of this world anymore, so no matter where my place of residence happens to be, I should never feel completely at home here on earth, "where moths and rust destroy, and thieves break in and steal," (Matt. 6:19).